yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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