So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
