Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
