You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
