i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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