so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
