so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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