Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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