I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
