my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
