best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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