Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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