As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
