my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
