I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
