Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
The uberlube is also flammable
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
