Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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