omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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