your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
