did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
