Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
