so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
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The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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