Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
