the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she looked like the before picture.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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