Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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