so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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