You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
