My nipple is on Facebook.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
