Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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