I just made out with a guy for $7.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
