someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
