How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
