I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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