I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
