I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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