I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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