Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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