I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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