im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
