last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
