I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
either way he was missing a nipple.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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