WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
