so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
