Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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