If that was your dad, he is hot
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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