Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
