I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
