I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
