You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
