I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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