Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
