you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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