Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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