We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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