she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
