youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I wish you could order shots online.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
