We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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