this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
