Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
