Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
