I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
