nut hugger
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
