As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
