i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
