I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
