we're chasing vodka with high fives
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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