it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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