I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
