Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
