What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Alive.
So much puke
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
