Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
the day after is always just damage control
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
