I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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